That’s a picture of me, a week before the inaugural InfertileAF Summit, trying to poop while my son, Luke, climbs into my lap and cries. In truth, I hadn’t spent a ton of time with my twins that week and they were adjusting to having a mom who devoted time to both them and to a new, budding career. I was tired, frustrated, and felt like I was failing, so I let him sit on my lap while I finished going to the restroom.
Is that a pretty sight or something we should share on social media? Probably not. But it is real.
I’ve been blogging for a decade this July, and I have to say the group and trend that has been the most disheartening for me is probably the biggest blog market within our society today:
The mom blogger.
Now listen, before you clutch your pearls or roll your eyes or give me any kind of negativity, I need to tell you I love, adore, and follow several mom bloggers, most of which are local to my area. I haven’t been invited into their inner circles and I don’t go to their parties, but I do support and appreciate many whom I consider friends. Sometimes I meet them (individually) for coffee or lunch and we talk shop.
I even blog for Stl Moms Blog.
Moms are people who need and want support, and as someone who constantly says sharing your voice and remaining vulnerable will help you heal, while also being someone who is a mother of two, it would be really hypocritical for me to say there’s no place for mom blogs, but ever since people started using bloggers and social media stars to sell their products, I feel like the depth and honesty – the integrity of blogging – has been kind of tarnished for brand recognition.
Yes, it’s arguably only me as an old-school blogger who feels this way. I know and respect a lot of people who follow mom blogs and buy products from them. Some would even say this kind of blog is helpful for them when making day-to-day lifestyle and mothering choices, and I too have gotten excited over knowing there are legging dupes available so I don’t have to splurge on expensive ones. But – honestly – I’d really rather know more about who you are and what’s hard for you, or what’s not so black-and-white in your mind, or that I’m not the only mom who feels guilty for wanting to be away from my kids, especially since it took three years to get them.
I care less about your earrings and more about your feelings.
I hate that people feel they can’t be honest about the things that are important to them, like politics or breastfeeding or – hell – even religion. Not all of those things are my bag, but if they are yours and make you tick, then why stop talking about them? To earn a buck?
That just feels so gross to me.
And I don’t really want to hate on or shame anyone, so I’m trying to not be a total brat, but sometimes watching these surface level bloggers gain traction and earn money while other bloggers and writers are doing the emotional labor really confuses me.
Because if that’s what it takes to stay (or become) relevant and earn money for this work, then maybe I’ll just never be on board with it. I don’t know, I don’t have a good answer. In theory I’d like to say, “Be true to you! The brands who love you will be there!” but I know that’s not always a thing.
And I don’t think they’re all money hungry women who do whatever/whenever to feed their families, either. But the trajectory of the current trends is exactly that: we’re losing authenticity and we’re losing it fast.
So, can we just have the hard conversation here? Instead of me insulting or projecting?
Is society dictating these choices, wanting to revert back to a time when motherhood was purely shared at the surface level? Or are we so scared of people judging us that we have stopped sharing the hard truths of motherhood?
What do you think? What do you want mom bloggers to talk about? And who is doing a good job of being real and raw?